Odd, Funny, Strange Presidential Candidates

Here are some 2008 Presidential Candidates that haven't been getting nearly as much press coverage as the three I refuse to mention (you know, those three whose names rhyme with Killary, Osama, and McBain, that's right, Simpsons reference)


1. Jackson Kirk Grimes

Platform:
"abolishing Christianity and replacing it with classical Roman Paganism fused with the political system of Fascist Italy.

Things of Note:

• Director and CEO of the United Fascist Union
• Mussolini and Saddam Hussein are his political heroes
  
• Three time U.S. Presidential Candidate (he surprisingly didn't get elected the first two times, but there's still hope in Nov...)
  

Most Endearing Feature:
That warm feeling he gives you, reminiscent of listening to your grandfather tell stories next to the fireplace, when he's sitting at his desk, in a nazi military uniform, wearing black leather gloves, with an inverted pentagram on the wall behind him... (here's a video of him, I'm not just making this up).


2. Frank Moore

Platform:

He actually has a serious platform, it leans more toward socialism, with a 10% tax on anyone making under $1 mil, and 75% tax on people over $1 mil, everything else is a little extreme, but nothing I haven't heard before.



Things of Note:
If you haven't figured it out yet, Frank Moore is a satirist/performing artist, but unfortunately not a very funny one, at least not with this campaign. And the video isn't really an act, he has cerebral palsy, which doesn't allow him to walk or talk, so maybe the offer to speak at events, which he announces on his website is part of the joke?

Most Endearing Feature:
Despite his disability he "has written books; has directed plays; has directed, acted in, and edited films; regularly gives poetry readings; plays piano; sings in ensemble music jams; and continues to lead bands in hardcore punk clubs up and down the west coast."


3. Gene Amondson

Platform:
Prohibition Party's Nominee, so he's against the liquor industry, (he sure isn't going to get the Cubs Fans vote....). That's it, his whole platform, apparently stopping liquor sales will solve all of our domestic issues, and will write our foreign policy, healthcare, protect us from terrorists, and end our dependence on foreign oil....

Most Endearing Feature:
He likes to impersonate Billy Sunday, a famous preacher who fought the liquor industry, but it gets better, he also likes to dress up as the Grim Reaper and hold demonstrations..... once again, I just couldn't even start to make this stuff up.

Gene Amondson as 'Death'

4. John Taylor Bowles

Platform:
Bowles states that he is "the white people's candidate," also he wants "the orderly deportation of all non-whites to Asia, Africa, and the Middle East. White American soldiers would be recalled from overseas duty and be placed on the Southern border so they can stop the invasion of illegal aliens from Mexico.

Most Endearing Feature:
Just look how cute he is sitting there crossing his arms, he's like a little baby Hitler! I just want to go pinch his cheeks!